My Promise
by risokura
Summary: Pursued by nightmares that rack her unconscious, Revan must now choose which is more important, her own personal life, or the fate of the galaxy. RevanCarth


**Disclaimer:** I don't own Star Wars, KOTOR.

**My Promise**

_Silence._

_The Ebon Hawk was to quiet._

_No one made a sound as Emiliana, further more known as Revan, confessed the truth about what had happened on the Leviathan. Her voice wavered at times as she tried to remain strong. Yet really, deep down inside she was about to break. She was Revan. The one that had committed so many atrocities. Destroyed so many lives. Killed so many innocents. She had been power hungry. Destroying everything in her path until she was the true ruler of the galaxy. _

_Emiliana's posture slumped as she felt as if the entire world had been placed on her shoulders in just a few short minutes. She couldn't bear to look at her crew. She had just lost Bastila to Malak, the one that held all the answers to her questions. Why? Why had the council kept her alive? She wanted to know. Needed to know._

_On top of that, Carth had taken the truth hard. Like a blaster shot to the heart. She could feel the hatred radiating off of him as they stood in the common room retelling the events that led up to Emiliana's revelation. She was surprised when everyone had told her they would see this whole thing to the end with her even if she was Revan, Dark Lord of the Sith._

_Her crew's loyalty warmed her, but it was Carth who she really looking for acceptance from. He told her that he would follow her, but she knew he was still conflicted inside. She chose not to pry and merely nodded. After some more conversation, the crew had finally gathered themselves together and decided it was time to head to Manaan to find the final Star Map. While she had appreciated that they wanted to know if there was anything they could do to make her feel better, Emiliana had decided that being alone was the best option._

_Or perhaps not. _

_Emiliana had shied herself away from the group to try to find solace within herself. She had secluded herself into the corner of her bunk, curled within the sheets, and welcomed the tears that came. _

_Why...why of all people...?_ _She closed her eyes, trying to shut out the world that had just come crashing down on her._ _Am I to wake up each morning, look in the mirror and call myself a murder?_ _She curled further into the sheets and shook her head against the pillow._ _Why didn't the Jedi council just kill me when they had the chance? The Jedi do not believe in killing their prisoners. __She sighed mentally_. _I'm just so tired of it all._ _She hiccupped loudly as she tried to stop the tears. She clutched the sheets tighter to her small body._ J_ust let me wake up. Let me wake up and let this all be a dream. Let Bastila still be here. Let Carth know I'm not the one who destroyed his life. Let everything be right again. Wake me up from this nightmare. Please._

_As she let her emotions get the better of her she had yet to notice the certain someone who had settled in next to her on the bunk. Arms reached around her abdomen and pulled her close. Masculine. Strong. Calloused. Carth._

_This is…_

_"I'm sorry, gorgeous. I shunned you when you needed someone the most." He whispered into her ear. She didn't say anything, nor did she face him. He intensified the embrace he had on her. "Please. Look at me." She shook her head and hiccupped. No words came out. She couldn't find any words to say to him._

_She exhaled loudly, and shifted to look at Carth. She stared into his eyes and their was nothing but silence between the two. She searched his eyes as if looking for some answer to her questions._ _What's wrong with me? Why do I feel so helpless?_ _Her eyebrows crinkled and she began to cry again, burying her face into Carth's chest. He rubbed the back of her head; his hands tangled within her brown locks and sighed as his other hand stroked her back._

_"It'll be okay gorgeous...everything will be okay."_

_She shook her head, her face still hidden within his chest. "...Carth" she mumbled. Her voice was strained. She had too much emotional stress placed on her shoulders and felt like she was going to break at any moment. She lifted her head off of his chest slightly to look at him. "Why?" she asked._

_"I've given it thought...and I find, as hard as I try, that I can't hold the destruction of Telos against you." He sighed and began to stroke her head again. "It wasn't you that ordered that attack when you were still...Revan...but Malak. There are other things that I've been thinking about...about you. About us. Rev-...Emilana, I want to be there for you no matter what."_

_"Carth, I..." She started._

_"You helped me to find my son and turn him against the Sith's teachings and to become a part of the Republic's cause. That's something someone of the dark side would never do...something Revan would never do."_

_"But she's apart of me, Carth. I now know what Jolee meant by there was something dark about me...it was Revan. Revan was inside me all along...and I...I can't get her--I won't get her--"_

_"Shh..." he whispered. "...no more words."_

_He kissed her._

"_Carth, I…"_

**Carth? He's dead.**

_Emiliana opened her eyes and was greeted with darkness. There was a crystal clinging sound off in the far distance. Sort of like wind chimes being tickled by the wind. "Wha…?" She felt a cold arm wrap around her neck and the other slid down her chest and brushed against her breasts. She let out a small whimper as a cold hard metal pressed against her cheek. "No…"_

**Peek-a-boo.**

_Emiliana struggled against the grip the arms had on her. "I don't want you here. I don't want to see you. I don't want to be near you. Get away!"_

**You seemed frightened by me, Emiliana…or should I call you Revan? That is who we are.**

_The grip around her chest tightened and Emiliana struggled as her former self pulled her closer. Her feet dragged along the ground as she tried to find a firm grip on the floor. She let out another whimper. _

**Your all alone. We're all alone. No one can hear you.**

_Emiliana shook her head. "Get away from me!" She reached out to the force and willed herself away from Revan. She stumbled to the ground as Revan was pushed away from her back side. Emiliana stood up and broke out into a run into the eternal darkness._

**Hmph. You may have my power but you are nothing without me.**

"_I'm not you. I'm not Revan!"_

**There is nowhere to hide in the darkness. I see all. **

_Revan appeared in front of Emiliana, halting her from running any further. The Jedi slammed into the Sith Lord and fell backwards. She felt the hands reaching for her again, holding her down from running. Revan loomed over her._

**No matter where you go I will find you. You cannot hide from that which is yourself.**

_Revan removed the mask._

_The chimes jingled again. _

_She screamed._

o—o

"Get away! GET AWAY!"

"Emiliana!"

"Don't touch me, get off of me!"

The young Jedi thrashed about trying to get a firm grip on anything she could use to hit the person that was currently above her. Carth gripped her wrists, trying to control the distraught woman. She shook her head.

"I'm not you! I'm not…" She opened her eyes and saw Carth's face illuminated by the moonlight that came in through the open window. Emiliana took a few deep breaths and closed her eyes, letting her head fall back to the pillow she had been laying on. She opened her eyes and looked at Carth who was currently above her, still holding her wrists. "Carth…"

He let go of the grip he had on her wrists and wrapped his arms around her body. She shook her head against the fold of his arm and the tears came. He stroked the back of her head. "She came again, didn't she?"

Emiliana gave a small whimper as if answering his question. He tightened the grip on the woman and continued to stroke her head as if trying to calm her.

A soft wind blew in through the open window of the room jingling the small chimes that hung above the bed. _So that's what I heard._ Emiliana pulled slowly off of Carth and stared at the chimes that hung over head.

Emiliana took a moment to register her thoughts and shook her head. She shifted in Carth's arms. "…I had a dream. A dream about when we were back on the Ebon Hawk." She could hear his heart beat as she rested her head on his chest. He was here. He wasn't dead. It was alright. Everything was alright.

"What happened?" he asked.

Emiliana shook her head. "It was after the Leviathan. You came into the room and then she took me away from you. She wouldn't…leave me alone. She kept tormenting me. She said I was all alone and no one could hear me, no one could help me." Her grip increased on his shirt and her shoulders began to shake once again. "Carth, I just wish it would end."

"Emiliana…"

"I think it's time I went to see them…"

o—o

"Masters."

Emiliana stood in front of the twelve Master's of the Jedi Order. Her gaze shifted between each individual before Vandar spoke. "Padawan." Emiliana advanced into the center of the room bowing before the twelve Jedi. When she rose she began to speak.

"Masters, I am sure this meeting I have asked to have with you is rather rushed but I need to discuss a few things with you. Important things."

"Visions have you received young one?" Vandar questioned.

Emiliana stalled. "Not exactly visions, more like dormat memories."

"I'm not sure we understand, Padawan." A female twi'lek spoke from next to Vandar.

Emiliana brought her hand up to her forehead and sighed. "Do you remember you once told me that Revan, although a part of me, can only be feltin times of distress, be it my own or others?" She placed a hand on her hip, while waving the other trying to explain her statement. "It's sort of like a lure to people's pain…the dark side, correct?"

"Correct that is, Emiliana." Vandar nodded, urging Emiliana to go on.

"Well Revan recently came to me in a dream and spoke to me." Emiliana grimaced. "The dreams I have of her disturb me greatly."

"Hmph. Perhaps the Dark Lord is really returning." Vrook snarled from the other side of the room. Emiliana turned to look at the old Jedi Master and glared at him. She shook her head vigorously, keeping her gaze on Vrook.

"No such thing will happen, Master Vrook. You need not imply it every single time you see me." She countered.

"Hmph." Vrook sank back into his chair, crossing his arms.

"Your dreams Padawan. They might be tied to the strange disturbances that have been reported from the Outer Rim…" A male Ithorian spoke from the left of Vrook.

"Disturbances?" Emiliana questioned.

"Padawan, we have a proposition for you." Vandar said. Emiliana turned her attention toward the small Master and nodded, urging the Master to continue. "We would like for you to go explore these disturbances."

"I am only but a Padawan…" Emiliana stated. There was a pause in the conversation.

Vandar looked at Vrook who stood up and headed toward the door. The bright lights died down and the room was in total darkness, the lightsabers of the various Jedi Master's offering the only light. Emiliana looked around, confused at what was about to just take place. "Master's?"

Then it hit her.

Vandar's lightsaber illuminated his own face as he spoke. "Padawan Emiliana, it is time for you to be inducted fully into the Jedi order by the title of the Jedi Knight."

o—o

**I know you can feel it.**

_"__I thought I told you to stay away." Emiliana looked around in the darkness. She felt a presence above her. Looking up she saw Revan suspended above her. _

**You know as well as I do why I am still here.**

___"I don't want you to be here." Emiliana still stared at Revan whom did not move. "Why won't you leave me alone?"_

**Because whether you like it or not, I am a part of you. A part that you need. Without me you are nothing.**

___Emiliana shook her head. "That is not true." _

**Revan descended in front of Emilana. Perhaps it is not true. That is the reason I have resurfaced. While this light side shit is less than desirable, you need to get a move on. The galaxy won't save itself. They always need someone else to do their dirty work, you should know this by now.**

___Emiliana looked toward the floor. "The galaxy is in trouble. That is what the Jedi Master's have told me. They also said having you in my mind is dangerous."_

**Revan scoffed.**** What could be more dangerous than have letting you go and retrieve the data about the Star Forge from the Star Maps within myself still lying dormant in your mind? Ready to surface at any moment?**

___Emilana turned away from Revan. "…As if I would have considered the dark side." _

**Revan folded her arms. We don't have time to bicker about senseless sithspit. I need you to tell lover boy we'll be leaving without him.**

_"__Carth… _

**Yes, Carth.**

o—o

"Carth."

Emiliana turned around to look at the Republic Admiral. He approached, smiling slightly as he walked the length of the docking pad to where she stood. "Hey gorgeous, feeling better?" She however did not share Carth's joy. Emiliana looked down at the floor and shook her head.

"Emiliana?" he questioned.

She looked back up at Carth. "I have to go away Carth…" She shifted as the wind blew through the pad, ruffling her hair and robes. "…the galaxy. There is a force trying to come into power and I have to go, Catch. I have to go and stop it." Carth was quiet while Emiliana explained herself. She took a step over to the railing, resting her hands on the rail.

"Do not think the Jedi Council had a say in this choice that I have made. Although they are partially the reason for why I must undertake this task…" She turned to look at Carth. "I think you know the true reason for why I am doing this."

The Admiral walked over to the newly proclaimed Jedi Knight. "Emiliana…"

"They made me a Jedi Knight, Carth." She said.

His hand slid along her cheek and he smiled faintly. Emiliana grasped his hand within her own and rubbed her cheek against the warmth that emanated from their hands embrace. She stared into his eyes, taking in the moment as if it were to last forever.

"I do know why you are doing this." He said, answering her earlier statement. "And I'll go with you—"

Emiliana shook her head, looking back down at the floor. "You can't…"

"Why not?" he asked.

She closed her eyes, biting her lower lip. "If I take anyone I care about along with me I won't be able to do this. I can't risk this, Carth…understand me. Please." She let her hands drop from his and reached to pull her hood over her face.

"Emiliana…" He began, she didn't look up.

"Goodbye, my love." She said, kissing his cheek with hesitation.

With that, she turned, leaving Carth alone on the port. He watched her walk away from him, not able to say a thing as she went and boarded the ship. "…I love you, Emiliana. I always have and always will. I promise." He whispered, and for a second he thought he heard her faintly say as she walked away from him:

I promise, too.

_****__Fin._


End file.
